It's a New Year

I'm still stuck at age fourteen. I don't tell anybody anything. And there is so much built inside of me that I don't even know where to begin. So much that I can't even feel. I can't cry or laugh or eat. No matter how hungry I am, I can't make myself eat unless I know that I'll vomit later. I ended 2009 binging and purging. I don't want this life, but I'm too afraid to try anything else.

I hope everyone else is starting the new decade off positively. If you're not, it's really okay. Please believe that. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. I want to be happy this year. I don't want to be afraid anymore.

I'll be seventeen in a few weeks. This shit is getting old. This year I want to leave Neverland. My eating disorder has hindered my mental development since I was fourteen. It's time to surrender and let go. I don't want to die.

I wish you all the best in the new year.

P.S. Sorry this is so disorganized. It directly parallels my thoughts.